It's OKAY.

I am such a Type-A type of person that I like to be perfect, in every aspect. I like to do my job perfect, I like to do my school work perfect, I like my health to be perfect. I like my makeup and vanity to be organized perfect. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect. I sometimes forget that I'm not a robot and it's okay that I'm not perfect.

When I was doing my undergrad, I would constantly have anxiety about graduating and finding a job and being in a stable career for the rest of my life. It was so overwhelming and so much pressure that I would just cry, but keep going. I didn't think to stop and actually process everything and if it was what I wanted to actually be doing with my life. All I wanted was a bachelor's degree and I did not care in what. When my last year of undergrad had a huge blow up, it was truly a blessing. It was then that I realized that my plans will never go accordingly. It was then that I finally understood what "So What?" meant. So what if I didn't become a teacher? So what if I didn't get the degree I thought I wanted. It's not the worst thing in the world. I still have my bachelors. I can't begin to describe how much anxiety I had over school. I was constantly stressed and worried about it. I would be on auto-pilot and wake up at 5am every morning, go to classes I had absolutely no interest in, hated the professors, didn't care for the learning, but jumped through all the hoops, then go through my internship that I was absolutely miserable in, and come home at 7pm and do it all over the next day. There were many signs and I just ignored them all. Then the huge blow-up came up and I decided this was not the path for me. 

Then, one day, it just hit me. SO WHAT. My life won't end because I didn't get the degree I went to school for. There are plenty of jobs out there and I'm bound to get one. It's going to be okay.

I don't like it when i'm not in control of situations and that was definitely one that I absolutely tried everything and simply could not control. My anxiety was through the roof. I gained so much weight. I was beyond stressed. 

Looking back, I am SO happy that it happened. I learned the biggest lesson of all. It's okay. I can't have control over everything in my life. Sometimes God's plan is way bigger and better than yours. I thought that I HAD TO get this degree and I HAD TO get this career or else.... there was no "or else". This was it. When I learned that this was not the path for me, I started to think differently. It's okay. Not everything goes as planned and that's okay. Go with the flow and see where it will get you. So, for anybody that's worried and has anxiety about something in their life, I want to tell you that it's okay. Take a break. Do something for you. Enjoy your life. It's not the end of world. Everything will work itself out in the end, I promise!

Clothing Haul!

Recently, I went shopping and bought a couple things and decided to share it with all of you! I wanted to make it a more interactive post, so I did a YouTube video! Everything I bought totaled under $100 and they are all super cute! I went shopping at Gordmans and Ross and showed what I bought! If you'd like to know what I got, here is the video! Enjoy :)

Loving yourself is bad?

In a list of things that you love, how long would it take to say you love yourself?

But really. This quote speaks to me dearly. I had an incident (a few over the past years) where loving myself was seen as a very negative thing and I couldn't for the life of me understand why. I had a point in my life where I realized that I am amazing. I was constantly getting complimented on my looks, personality, intelligence, humor, whit, the whole deal. I was always trying my best to succeed in life, going through school and work. I was always going out of my way to help others. So it got to a point where I was, dare I say it, seen as conceited.. But again, why is that such a bad thing? Am I hurting anyone or anything? Am I bringing others down? Am I being a negative influence? I'd like to think quite the opposite. I realized that the ugly duckling I once was had turned into a swan so why not embrace it? I never understood why others saw that as a negative thing? Is it a cultural thing to not love yourself? Or do you just have to be neutral? If I saw a girl who loved herself, her personality, knows who she is and is confident, then that makes me want to be like her even more. That, to me, shows more positivity than anything.

I think many people see cockiness associated with arrogance and that is not the case at all. I can be very in love with myself yet still be humble and caring towards others. So why is it a bad thing? I always use to get picked on in school because I didn't love myself enough.. and now it's not okay to love myself too much? Since when is love ever bad? I guess it's just something I'm never gonna understand. I'm never gonna understand the need for others who don't like themselves enough to pick on others who do love themselves. Let them do their own thing. If they wanna shout to the world about how awesome they are, let them. Better than shouting how much they hate themselves or others. There's too much negativity in this world as it is.

Lessons.

Sometimes the journeys we have in life are not intended for us to achieve what we expected, but rather learn a lesson from it. For example, I recently applied for a job where a fellow coworker had also applied. I could care less if I got the job or not, but they wanted it badly. They wanted it bad enough, they were willing to reach out to the recruiter, cheat on the test, and even convince the interviewers to put in a good word for them. When they told me about this, I was furious. Then I thought 'What goes around, comes around... karma is real. This is out of my control'. When it came to interview rounds, this person did not end up getting an interview, but I did. This was about 3 weeks ago and they have not spoken to me since. As I come to realize, this wasn't about getting a new job or not, but rather finding out what kind of people there are. Nobody wants you to succeed. My parents have told me this over and over again, but I never really believed it until it realized it happening. Everybody says they want to see you do good, but never better than them. I was always hesitant on doing things that I want, including this blog and YouTube videos, because I was always put down by people around me, saying "Why would you want to do that? You wouldn't even do a good job.. You wanna do YouTube? No comment" As I've learned what kinds of people have been toxic in my life, I've quickly learned to drop them. I am no longer friends with people who put me down. I have found people that are willing to cheer me on all the way and encouraging me each and every day. This is the kind of positivity everybody should have in their lives. Although I am very cautious with who I chose to share my passions with, I know that there will always be people who are ready to put me down. If anything, this lesson has taught me that there will always be negative people and they will always want you to lose. But, you can't. You can't lose, you have to keep going. So, with that said, thanks! Thank you God for showing me this lesson and teaching me to love myself even more.